May your choices reflect your hopes,not your fears

Well, it's been a bit since I was on(a few years), but just wanted to kinda get my thoughts out on paper here. 

Gonna start off with a quote that I stumbled upon while browsing Veteran sites via Facebook:

"May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears."


I love this quote, because it displays determination. It acknowledges that failure is also a part of life and learning. It also empowers the reader, with the concept of 'free will' in a certain sense. Lately, it has been resonating within my life, as I ride the roller coaster of ups-and-downs. 


The biggest challenge I have faced was a break-up with a girlfriend who I really thought was the one. We invested 3.5 years together, but in the end, things fell apart. I'm not gonna bore everyone with the details, but differing communication styles and chosen life paths put a wedge in our relationship; we tried to ignore it, until the wedge turned in to a gaping tear that was irreparable. So, she broke up with me via Skype; I thanked her for the happiest 3.5 years I have ever had in my existence on this planet as tears rolled down my cheeks.

At this point in time, I moved up to the Pacific Northwest in the US for schooling. Luckily, I met an awesome group of international students from various places: Sweden, Germany, Russia, Paraguay, Indonesia, Malaysia, Fiji, and Korea. They took me in and became a strong support base. I loved the diversity in the group. Each person brought different lenses of which they experienced life. It was fascinating. It also reminded us self-centered Americans that we can learn from others, if we stop and listen once in awhile   

These friends really helped me get through dark days of loneliness and depression. And now, I have new friends to visit in several countries. I knew I was healing when I reached a new milestone: After the breakup, every night, I would sleep in my small bed and feel an overwhelming loneliness without another in it....until one day I woke up, and I didn't feel loneliness. Slowly, the frequency started lessening. I knew I was slowly healing.

While in school, I dabbled a little in the design program, but didn't make the cut-off. Of course, I was disappointed, but in retrospect, it related back to the quote: "May your choices reflect your hopes, not your dreams." The reality that I was not what the design program was looking forward was brutal at first; nobody likes to be told they are not good enough. However, it isn't enough of a blow to throw in the towel, so they say. Instead, I re-evaluated my career options and choose to apply to another school for a degree in Electro-mechanical technology!

It's a relatively unheard of field of trade that involves mechanical, electrical, programming, and other combined fields that keep our industrial economy going. And maybe one day, I can design something that will benefit man-kind one day. That's a hope worth fighting for, right? 

Anyway, I'm on a break from school as of now to obtain state residency for tuition purposes(it's a weird US thing), so I work as a Low-Voltage Technician. It's decent work, get to travel all over to install new wiring, data, telephone, coax, fiber optics, paging systems, speakers, and CCTV. It's challenging, and I like it! Often, I would be stumped on troubleshooting work orders, and would have to go home and research electrical theory or technical specs of certain devices. And, I didn't go to schooling for any of this! It's not easy, but everyday is different. I feel....purpose again. Oh and I picked up part-time work as Pizza Delivery haha, which is my first time working in food service, so it too can be challenging (I am not a people's person).

Anyway, felt nice to journal again. I guess I'll write another one in a few years haha.